First performed at Tilehurst Methodist Church on January 4th, 2009 (Epiphany Sunday).
To fully appreciate this sketch, you really need to be familiar with the Frost Report sketch on which it's based. To mimic the effect, "King" should be taller than "Astronomer" who should be taller than "Camel herder".
| King | I look down on him, because I am a king. |
| Astronomer | I look up to him, because he is a king, but I look down on him, because he is a camel herder. I am an astronomer. |
| Camel herder | I know my place. I look up to both of them. But I don't look up to him as much as I look up to him, because he has absolute power in our land. |
| King | I have absolute power in my land, but I have little understanding of the mysteries of the universe, so sometimes I look up to him. |
| Astronomer | I understand the mysteries of the universe, but I still look up to him, because I am a not rich or powerful. But I'm richer than him, so I still look down on him. |
| Camel herder | I know my place. I look up to them both - but while I am poor, I am industrious, honest and trustworthy. |
| All | We are going on a journey. |
| King | I am travelling because the books of my ancestors foretold the birth of a new king. |
| Astronomer | I am travelling because the stars speak of a great new era. |
| Camel herder | I am travelling because they made me. And because the camels wanted to go for walkies. |
| King | To make this journey, I gave up dinner engagements with many other royal families from neighbouring countries. |
| Astronomer | To make this journey, I gave up the opportunity to give the Royal Institution Christmas Lectures. |
| Camel herder | To make this journey, I have given up everything I care about. My family, friends and home. |
| King | I have brought the baby a gift of gold. |
| Astronomer | I have brought the baby a gift of frankincense. |
| Camel herder | I have brought the baby a gift of socks, and a casserole for his mum and dad. |
| King/Astronomer | You brought him what? |
| Camel herder | Socks and a casserole. It's not much, but I couldn't afford any myrrh (said to be ambiguous between 'more' and 'myrrh' if possible). Anyway, I figure he'd like something that was actually useful. It gets really cold in stables - and I should know! |
| King | When I meet the new king, I shall treat him like the equal that he is. |
| Astronomer | When I meet the new king, I shall treat him with deference, but expect him to respect my wisdom and knowledge. |
| Came herder | I know my place. If I meet the new king, I shall kneel at his feet. |
| Astronomer | Kneel at his feet? |
| Camel herder | Absolutely. How else am I going to put his socks on? |
Licensed under the Creative Commons Licence.